My up and down days.

Just want to express my feelings today, I want to see a doctor and I already have doctor's appointment to them, but I cannot go because I do not have drivers license yet and my husband is working. My husband said he will call one of our neighbors to bring me there. I am not really comfortable asking favor to other people. I am really exited to learn driving again in that way I could go anywhere anytime I want.

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My wild breakfast

One morning I found a plate full of wild raspberry for my breakfast, and the wild flowers on the table. I did not realize my husband wake up so early and pick up those wild berries and wild flowers. He knows I love wild flowers and the wild raspberry. One thing I like the wild flowers because you do not have to spend money, unlike like those fancy flowers from the store or from flower shop, and it's sweet and romantic too because you know he spent his time and effort just to pick up those flowers for me. Thank's to my hubby for being so sweet all the time.

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Say no if you don't want to do it.

Today, I will talk about voice, example we need to voice our idea or say it either you like it or not, say no if you do not want to do it. I remember when I was in Philippines, I was about to come here in US. My Boyfriend talk one of the Filipina he knows here in US, telling that he is interested to marry his girlfriend in Philippines which is I, The Filipina said back to him, Denver if you want to marry a Filipina I have a cousin who is here already in US, she already have a visa and a good job, my boyfriend was silent and said to her back I will pray for that. The time comes that my boyfriend is ready to visit me there in Philippines, that certain filipina pack a big package to let my boyfriend brings the package for her family in the Philippines. I was in colleges that time and that filipina's sister knows that my boyfriend is coming to Philippines she pack a big package too and let one of my sister gave to me to give to my boyfriend to bring back to US. I was so embarrass because my boyfriend said he feels like a mail carrier, those people are not even our friends. But before my boyfriend come to my country, that filipina sister was digging information about me, she went to every offices that hold information to the students, and since she doesn't know me, she keep on asking several students of who I am. She is one of the teacher in college so she wrote a letter for me to visit her in her office, when I went there she learned that I am a Education Student so she kept on telling every time we met to stop my degree because it's useless and I need to enroll nursing since my boyfriend can afford.

My boyfriend wants me to come to US as soon as I am done in college. After several days from my graduation I am ready to come to US. Here's the problem again, the package I told them I will bring package as long as there is no salted fish or dried fish, or other thing that I learned from the seminar about the stuff that is not allowed to bring specially it's your first time to come to the US. They agreed they gave me about three kilos weight of package.

I love Fashion so when I went to manila I shop a lot of beautiful clothes and some Filipino dried fruits knowing that the weight of my luggage is enough from the plane weight luggage requirements, but suddenly when I went to the airport their rules change and I am now over three kilos, I do not want to leave my new clothes and I do not want to leave their package too, at-least when I arrive here in US I have close friends, I have big purse with a long handle so I choose my heavy clothes just like pants, and some t-shirt, three kilos all of them and hang them all to my purse handle. It's really looks funny every time I open the shelves for carry bag on the top our chair inside the airplane, my clothes fail one by one to the floor and the person next to me, very embarrassing experience, trying to please other people just to make friends is bad sometimes.

After several weeks of staying here, the Filipina who is the owner of the package invited me for a filipina party at her house, I was wondering why everybody was laughing looking the food and me, I found out that the package I brought was salted fish. I did not say anything I just smile, done is done than to lose friends.

I got pregnant after six months but after 38 weeks of my pregnancy the baby died inside of my belly, I was on denial stage I do not want to talk to my friends about my baby, I do not want to hear any sounds of the baby. I was so down and hurt.

We went to Florida to get away for two weeks after my baby pass away, I notice I do not have any friends comfort me even cards, from that time I am not even invited in any party anymore, and I was wondering what happened, and after five months one of the filipina around here invited me for her party, but all I received there are mocking words or hurting words, I ask to the person who invited me, she said it was just a joke, I told her I cannot give a joke like, do not compare my baby to your baby because your baby is dead. A year later the same filipina invited me for her party and I notice more weird different, everybody stay out side at the moment I arrived, I heard the filipina who invited me to let everybody get in inside and stop acting weird, I was inside getting for my food and all people start to get in, but I can feel somebody is making some bad gestures, or faces behind me. So I go home, it's not worth to stay for people like that. I tried to call those people who make gestures or faces, they are the same persons who was throwing hurting words to me but they never answered my call, so asked other people why they do that to me, I thought we were friends. One of the filipina said they acted like that because my husband and I did not apologies to them that our baby died and they already prepared for a baby shower. That the time I know why some filipina act like they hate me so much. I expect they did not prepare anything anymore because my baby died on Wednesday and the baby shower will be on Sunday, the moment I learned my baby doesn't have any heartbeat I texted one of my filipina friend around to pray for me for a strength. I know all friends know what happened because their husbands called my husband about what happen. But my friends want us to call them one by one about what happen.

I know we are wrong, but for me if any of my friends experienced like our experience losing a child, I wont do that, the way they did to me.

I am so sad I lost them as my close friends.

Question: do you think it's our fault to lost them as our friend? we already apologise to them but seems its too late already.

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Mortgage house is burden but its our home

It's midnight already, still cannot sleep, my husband sleep on the coach in our living room because earlier Sophia our baby girl who sleep with us in our room but on her crib still wanting to play. Right now everybody is already sleeping but still I cannot sleep thinking about our house situation, we cannot afford to pay our mortgage anymore my husband salary is not enough to pay our bills plus our needs everyday, the house is too big for us, 50% of the house space we do not use it, we already started to move our unnecessary stuff to our big storage and we are both determined to move and find other place closes to his job to save some money, but so far we do not fine any place we like yet, mostly good places are very expensive specially inside the city. I do not like cheap places but looks like it's not safe for my family too. I just hope and pray that God will come soon, just want to let go all the burdens I have in my heart.

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BannZoo Cloth Diapers

My friend one of the bloggers Michel sent me several cloth diapers yesterday, I was so happy and very exited to put on one diaper to my little girl, so here's the picture, my baby girl is wearing a beautiful cloth diapers made by my friend. Its looks very good on her without pants because the cloth diaper is beautiful already, I just put a shirt on her.

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Bad parking

This is how the cars park in our driveway. We have a new neighbor and we welcomed them good, but the next day this is how their visitors park their cars, they knew I do not drive and my husband was at work so they park like that for almost whole day so if we have a family visit to us or a visitor that day they cannot come in right away. In my own opinion that is disrespect to others.

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Crunchy mango

Sliced green and crunchy mango, not very sour it is a little bit sweet with salted fish and lemon is one of my favorite snacks. Most people in my country loved this specially pregnant woman. My grandpa planted a lot of mango trees and we kid are enjoying every harvest season. This is very delicious.

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I would like to begin this blog, it's been several years I did not log in or put any post on it. I was pregnant and too busy watching kids of my brother-law so I decided to rest for my blogging activity for a while. But now since my baby is a little bit bigger already and kids I have been watching for is already big and ready for school for this school year. It is nice to express or writer your feelings of what is happening in your life.

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